Eh, let’s start with lasagna
If you have any sensitivity to 'Americanized' ethnic food, run. Run now. Also I’m a trained cook, but not a trained writer. I wrote this for free and mostly for my own amusement, you can direct any complaints to the ghost of my great grandmother. She has nothing to do with any of this, I just like the idea of her being very confused in the afterlife, but also pleased I’m actually making things.
My mom used to make this for the six of us (despite the fact that we are as Italian as shillelaghs) and sometimes if we were being really collectively good she'd make two at once so we could have a fresh 'leftover' one later. Because lasagna is always better the second time, even when that's technically... the first time? She taught me how to make it years ago, (admittedly with a little more care and design than what it has become). Takes about 15-20m to assemble, and an hour and change to bake, so this is one of those weird timing things. Sometimes I’ll assemble the night before so whoever's cooking can pop it in the oven the next day.
So, my weeknight lasagna 'recipe,' with apologies to my mom, the country of Italy, and the whole of culinary history, is:
Ingredients:
Big tub of ricotta (gotta be whole milk, whatever the biggest regular thing of ricotta is- 32oz? I think.)
Big bag of shredded mozzarella (also turn away from the skim stuff. I think we usually use a 4-cup bag but I've made this with 3 and 6c bags because- on sale.)
Big honkin', like, plastic with the handle molded into it jar'o'sauce (Non-chunky Ragu is favored because I'm an asshole)
Box of regular lasagna noodles, because the no boil ones suck yet weirdly cost more and don't have the fun little ruffles
2 medium eggs, or like, one big egg, doesn't matter much
Italian seasoning, just get the big-ass jar
(If you want to go really crazy fry up some ground beef or throw some spinach or fresh basil in the sauce, but that was for another day.)
Hardware:
You'll need a large bowl for mixing the cheese, a casserole pan and some aluminum foil. And a ladle or smooth-bottom measuring cup. For the schmearing. And I guess technically a fork for mixing the cheeses.
DIrections:
Preheat the oven to 350F. That’s as precise as any of this gets.
Mix up the whole big tub of ricotta with half the mozzarella, an egg or two, and what looks like way too much Italian seasoning*. Smoosh together so it looks minimally lumpy.
Pour some sauce on the bottom of the pan to cover.
Stack 3-4 dry noodles across the sauce, depending on the size of the dish. (I don't overlap but some people do)
Schmear a honkin' big dollop of cheese (This is about where Alex said, "Oh, so this isn't like baking at all, huh?" Nope.) over the noodles (You'll have to hold them with your fingers to stop them from sliding around) until you've got a nice even layer, pour more sauce over that and level it out too. Yeah, the cheese and sauce will mix. Who freakin' cares.
Repeat the schmear/level, pour/level, stack noodles until you run out of something (Today it was noodles and we had 3/4c cheese and egg mix left over.)
Pour some sauce over it and top with the leftover mozzarella. I dunno, throw some grated parmesan on top instead if you feel like being fancy or forgot to reserve the mozzarella.
Cover with foil (so the steam cooks the noodles), bake at 350F for an hour, then uncover, marvel at your creation, and back in the oven for another 10-20 minutes. Let it sit for about 5 minutes before serving.
Random Story Part:
It ain't authentic, and probably any Italian-American would get agita that I'm all, "Screw boiling the noodles" (Not even getting into my slapdash assembly) but I gotta say- it is fun and it reheats well.
Okay, I CAN and have made a proper lasagna, even made lasagna noodles myself once and from-scratch bechamel, but honestly, this is what I grew up eating and it rises among the better comfort foods of my childhood than Cheez Whiz sandwiches for lunch, canned Campbells soup with emphatically NO WATER mixed in, or the decadent treat of cream chip beef on pop-and-bake biscuits for dinner.
(If you're curious if there are ingredients I'm leaving out of the description for Cheez Whiz sandwiches, I can assure you- I am not.)
Go forth and make your own. Then sometime, when you've got a day to slap your kitchen in the face with good ingredients: make your own sauce, sweat some onions and fresh garlic to add, maybe some Italian sausage, try your hand at bechamel, or hell, even try making your own noodles. Whatever.
But if you've made this, you've made a lasagna, and really, that's the goal.
*Because herb seasoning on a big honking pile of white cheese looks like more than it is. This is the only actual culinary near-lesson here. I guess if you need a real measurement- two tablespoons? Let's go with that.